Grief and Me

Grief. My long-time…. well, you are not quite a friend but you are also not my enemy. You are just here. For a long time we’ve been in a wrestling match. Fighting over who would have control of my mind, emotions, and perhaps even how I lived life for the rest of my time on earth.

Now when I think about you I know we are at peace with each other.

I imagine we are sitting across from each other a great, beautiful, quiet meadow. Nothing is moving. Not even the wind is rustling leaves. Because the Peace of this place and time is unlike anything in the universe.

Just you, Grief. You and me. Sitting in peace. Because of Love.

Your friends, Anger and Depression, have left because now that we are not fighting there is nothing to watch, nothing worth their time, effort or cheers. I can feel your relief in their absence. We both know if you had won they would have only fought you for control because in the end they wanted you to win so they could win.

But I have discovered fighting you does me no good. I know now that you are here to stay. You’ve actually moved in. My new neighbor. We wave, we say hello in passing but that is all.

I don’t want more than that either. There is no telling what would have happened if you had won. But if you are no longer here then I’ve forgotten why you came in the first place. You came because of all I’ve lost. First my mom and then my daughter. And I can’t and won’t forget them so here you are.

But it wasn’t enough for you to just come and be still with me because it wasn’t okay with me that they are gone and you are here instead. It’s still not okay but I know I can’t change it so I’m learning to live without them and with you.

When your friends, Depression and Anger, showed up to cheer you on in your fight to settle in my once restful meadow I felt sadder than ever. I felt more alone than ever. I almost gave up. You almost won. They almost won.

When all the sudden Love revealed Himself. He has been here all along. I had been so busy fighting I’d forgotten what a great Warrior He is and how He not only always wins but He also creates space for you and I to live peaceably with each other in His great, beautiful, quiet meadow.

So here we are: just me, my constant companion Grief, and Love.

Most of all and above all else, Father Love.

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