We truly thought Nova would be our one and only child. I had so much peace about it. I was so thankful and in love with our little redhead.
Looking back I suffered from postpartum depression. We made a cross-country move from Kentucky to California six weeks after Nova was born. I have never handled change very well. That move, plus a new baby, was very hard on me. Looking at pictures you’d never guess I was dealing with PPD. I loved being a mom. But leaving my family, friends, and my doctor to move to a place without a strong support system was extremely difficult as a first-time mom.
Look at these pictures! The first one Nova is 3 months and the beach photo she is 6 months old. I look incredibly happy. But I was actually really depressed.
The first 6-7 months of Nova’s life I had to force myself to leave the apartment. I was going to church and church events but that was all. And those things wore me out. I felt that I needed to be home to recover. It took overhearing my condo neighbors talk about how little I left the house to realize something was wrong. I was shocked. At first I was angry at them for talking about me and then I began thinking about what they had said and I realized it was true.
It was also hard on our marriage. Adam and I began to have problems. Actually, the problems were already there but they were so buried it was like they weren’t there. But that’s another story, perhaps for another time, perhaps not.
I slowly came out of my funk. We moved out of our little condo into a different home and different neighborhood. We were within walking distance of the downtown area which had coffee shops, a playground, art museums, little shops, and so much more. I began to feel like myself. I met some local moms and we began to have play dates and swapped babysitting nights. It was great. It didn’t feel like it could get much better. But it did.
A little before her first birthday Adam and I began following the Couch 2 5k program because I wanted to lose that baby weight. We were doing great with it; making good time and Nova loved riding in the stroller. But about 4 weeks into the program I suddenly couldn’t run. My body couldn’t complete the exercises it had completed two days before. I broke down crying.
It took a few days for it to hit us that maybe I was pregnant. I took a test and, lo and behold, it was positive. We were shocked and delighted. I joked the night before our first ultrasound, “what if it’s twins?!” We both had a good laugh over the thought.
And then we had a good laugh at ourselves after we got over the shock of finding out there actually were twins growing in my womb.